disnerd:

do you ever wish you could just stop time for like a couple weeks so you could just sleep and do whatever you want and just get your shit together and then after that time would just start back up again and you wouldn’t have missed anything because you would just pick up where you left off

fortheloveofneps:

iamonlydorb:

sucysucyfivedolla:

the inside of your butt is warm enough to hardboil an egg

oh no I’m not falling for this one again

Again

sherlockedbyphaninthetardis:

davedirk:

davedirk:

lauraforgood:

m33wlin:

WE WERE WATCHING THIS MOVIE IN GYM AND THE MAIN CHARACTER WAS LIKE “I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY AND HORNY” AND ME AT THIS OTHER CUTE GUY IN THE BACK JUST BOTH GO “SAME” AND LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND I WINKED AND EVERYONE WAS SO UNCOMFORTABLE BUT I WAS LAUGHING REALLY HARD AND THIS IS WHY I DONT HAVE FRIENDS

can we have a tumblr marriage for you guys?

seems legit

woops

IM ACTUALLY CRYING 

jaredhower:

i hate when i wear a skirt or dress somewhere and people ask me why i’m dressed so fancy like i don’t need an occasion to free my legs from the constraints of pants thank you very much

• Me: Hello?
• Telemarketer: Hello, is your mother home?
• Me: I have no mother.
• Her: Well can I speak to your father?
• Me: Yeah, which one?
• Her: Which one is home?
• Me: Well they're both home..but I don't think you want to talk to Carlos. He just went through a breakup with his boyfriend, Antonio.
• Her: Oh, so your fathers' names are Carlos and Antonio?
• Me: No, no! My fathers' names are Carlos and Mark.
• Her: So who's Antonio?
• Me: I just told you, Carlos's ex.
• Her: So Carlos was cheating?
• Me: Yes, but that's only because Mark was cheating with Edith, our neighbor.
• Her: So Carlos cheated only because Mark cheated?
• Me: No, he THOUGHT Mark was cheating.
• Her: So Mark wasn't cheating?
• Me: I never said that.
• Her: Yes, yes you did!
• Me: No I didn't.
• Her: Y-yes! You did!
• Me: Did what?
• Her: Y-you- Never mind have a nice day, goodbye.

fizzyginger:

If Prince Charles’s ringtone isn’t I Just Can’t Wait to be King then what’s the point

patrick-stump-hand:

pizzaswag:

abandoned theme parks look rad as fuck someone go explore one with me

you are the first five minutes of supernatural

hundred and hundreds of AUs

thousands actually

MILLIONS

the power of a SMILE goes a long way.

“I was born a while ago…Now i’m here. Pretty cool.”

assiest:

I FOUND IT OH MY GOD